I will collect second drafts of Climate Paragraphs next week. You will recieve the highest mark between the Climate and Kenya paragraphs…
Last day to hand them in: Friday, December 20th, 2013 (NO LATES)
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PEE Paragraph Feedback
13 DecOn Wednesday I handed back your first draft of your Climate Graph Persuasive Paragraphs and today I handed back marked copies of your Kenya Mall paragraphs.
As you look at the feedback on your Kenya paragraphs and prepare to write your second draft of the Climate Graph take into your second draft the specific feedback I wrote on your papers, your edits and the few general comments below…
FORMATTING
1] Please double space all of your writing as it makes it easier to read and leaves room for edits and comments
2] Indent your first line
3] Each paper needs an original title
4] ONE paragraph only, these are not essays (we’ll get there in the new year)
CONTRACTIONS AND SPELLING
1] Please write out all contractions in full (for example: don’t = do not)
2] All numbers under 10 need to be written out (9 = nine)
3] PROOFREAD PROOFREAD PROOFREAD
4] Watch your sentence length (run-ons and fragments)
http://grammar.ccc.commnet.edu/grammar/cgi-shl/quiz.pl/fragments_quiz.htm
(Take this run-on and fragment quiz for practice!)
<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
Do’s and Don’ts of Literary Paragraph Language
Do write the verbs in the present tense.
Example: In The Tale of Despereaux the mouse saves the princess.
Do use specific language.
Avoid overly general words such as “nice”, “good”, “bad”, “weird”, “etc.”
Do not use the pronouns “I”, “me”, “my”, “we”, and “our”.
Treat your ideas about the story as facts.
You should not introduce your ideas with “I think…” or “In my opinion…”
Do not use the general “you.”
You can use words like “one”, “a person”, or “someone”
Do not use informal and text-talk such as “like”, “guy”, “u”,“gonna”, “cuz”, “till”, “wanna”, and other slang.
Do not write as if you are talking to someone.
Do not use abbreviations like “Ex:”.
Write “An example of this is…” or “For example…”.
Source: http://www.scribd.com/doc/21655673/Literary-Paragraph-Guidelines
Expert Groupings – FOUR
20 Nov
Group number 4
Kenya gets help from foreign allies (2)
Who: Islamist militants, al-Qaida-linked al shabaab group, U.S. agencies, British agencies and Israeli agencies.
What: U.S., British and Israeli agencies are helping Kenya investigating an by the by Islamist militants on a Nairobi shopping mall that killed at least 72 people and destroyed part of the complex. Not only that, but his article also describes the relationship between Kenya and it’s foreign allies, as there is lots of support by foreign countries like the US, which gives future hope to Kenya in its developing state. This article also traces back upon exactly what happened which lead 72 people to their deaths.
Where: Nairobi shopping mall and Nairobi, Kenya is where the incident took place, but including all of the investigation that has happened in The US, Britain, Israel, Germany, and canada, it includes more of an area than what has been limited in this article.
When: The article is written on September 26, 2013
Why: Even though, it does not say why, I believe the reason why the other countries are helping Kenya is because so many people have died and the other countries were shocked at the news.
Possibly because of publicity
Observing the answers that other people have made on this, just to expand, countries like the US and other developed countries want to look good on front of the international community. Therefore, by helping Kenya, not only it will become greater allies with Kenya, help Kenya improve as a democratic country, and look good in front of the 8 billion people in the world.
Definitions/terms
Prosperous-successful in material term
Mourn-feel or show sorrow
Differences
In my opinion they didn’t sensationalize it as much as some articles I’ve read..
In my opinion the article did not sensationalize me because obviously I think the other country should help as they always helped when there were incident, so the title was just stating the obvious.
In my opinion they did not sensationalize the article. possibly because it was such a serious topic.
Mall security under scrutiny after attack (1)
Who
Security Guard, Simon Bennett, Al-Shahab, any people related to mall
What
They are scared about terrorist attack, but they are also scared that if they put a security guard , the security guard will scare the customer away. Not only that but the governments are not addressing the depth of the problem, which in many cases such as the one brought to you today of security. In this controversial article, we observe the following controversies: up to what point do we need of security, and up to what point will we actually give away our constitutional rights for some security, as we see that there have been many cases where there is the infringement of our rights for security, such as the NSA. Focusing on this case, however, Kenya itself is a developing country and is vulnerable to terrorist attacks such as this, and in this specific case such as Kenya, we should and must allow the citizens to prioritize the situation themselves, as in this case of mall security, it had failed to protect the lives of many. The choice between security and liberty is hard to choose from, however in the end, liberty of the citizens can come to attacks such as these.
Where
This case involves the US and Kenya in Nairobi shopping centre and there is no specific point where this event occurs
When
Thursday September 26, 2013 was when this article was published, but once again,there is no direct point on what took place
Why
The Kenya incident made people wonder if they should hire a security guard or increasing the measure, however industry worries that the security will scare shoppers away.
Definition/Terms
Scrutiny-critical observation
Disparity-a great difference
Aviation-the flying or operating of air craft
Wield-to hold or to use
In your opinion has the media “sensationalized” or shown biases in the article?
In my opinion, the article didn’t really sensationalized me because on the title, I didn’t really understand what scrutiny means. I didn’t really see the biases in the article. In my opinion I think they have sensationalized it because the article is making it seem like, if they get security guards to be in the malls that they will kill you or something. They are making it seem like the security guards are scarier than they should be, but than again, I’m not sure what the security guards are like in Kenya.
Al-Shabab says foreigners were a ‘legitimate target (4)
Who: Al-Shabab, the Somali Islamic group, the people that were killed, and the grieving of the families of the people who were killed.
What: Al-Shabab attacked a shopping mall in Kenya and killed many innocent people in order to separate and make the distinction o the Muslims from the non believers. This has lead to an internationals crisis and families, such as the one of Louis Bawa, whose wife was killed from this incident, that has lead to grief. There also are people like Mary Italio, whose son, Thomas Abayo Italo, 33, who was killed in the Westgate Mall attack, who then waits to receive his body at the mortuary in Nairobi, Kenya on Wednesday
Where: Kenya, shopping mall
When: September 25, 2013
Why: Al-Shabab had killed innocent people because they weren’t Muslims,
(as they described “non believers”) as a way of “using religion as an excuse to kill people.” as Louis Bawa said.
Definitions/terms:
Mujahideen:
Muslim guerrilla warriors engaged in a jihad.
http://www.thefreedictionary.com/mujahideen
Meticulous-very careful
Vet-Make a careful examination
Has the media sensationalized or shown biases in this article: yes, and it is evident throughout the entire story, as we see the government’s main goal in this article: to show that religion has become very controversial and the meaning of true ‘faith’ in religion has turned people into murderers, and this made the point clearly, as foreign governments don’t want this to happen in their countries. Its showing that religion is what can cause allies and rebel groups and murderers and more, and if people are not willing to believe in the same beliefs, that people will do something about it just to try to make the world better but really no good is happening. Obviously, nobody in this world probably
Al-Shabab says foreigners were a ‘legitimate target (4)
Who: Al-Shabab, the Somali Islamic group, the people that were killed, and the grieving of the families of the people who were killed.
What: Al-Shabab attacked a shopping mall in Kenya and killed many innocent people in order to separate and make the distinction o the Muslims from the non believers. This has lead to an internationals crisis and families, such as the one of Louis Bawa, whose wife was killed from this incident, that has lead to grief. There also are people like Mary Italio, whose son, Thomas Abayo Italo, 33, who was killed in the Westgate Mall attack, who then waits to receive his body at the mortuary in Nairobi, Kenya on Wednesday
Where: Kenya, shopping mall
When: September 25, 2013
Why: Al-Shabab had killed innocent people because they weren’t Muslims,
(as they described “non believers”) as a way of “using religion as an excuse to kill people.” as Louis Bawa said.
Definitions/terms:
Mujahideen:
Muslim guerrilla warriors engaged in a jihad.
http://www.thefreedictionary.com/mujahideen
Meticulous-very careful
Vet-Make a careful examination
Has the media sensationalized or shown biases in this article: yes, and it is evident throughout the entire story, as we see the government’s main goal in this article: to show that religion has become very controversial and the meaning of true ‘faith’ in religion has turned people into murderers, and this made the point clearly, as foreign governments don’t want this to happen in their countries. Its showing that religion is what can cause allies and rebel groups and murderers and more, and if people are not willing to believe in the same beliefs, that people will do something about it just to try to make the world better but really no good is happening. Obviously, nobody in this world probably want that.
Expert Groupings – THREE
20 Nov
Article number 4
Mall security under scrutiny after attack
Who?
Shopper and security guard.
What?
After the Nairobi mall was attacked, the industry worries about needing toincreasing guard to protect shopper safe will just scared them away.
After Westgate mall in Nairobi, Kenya, was attacked, malls around the world are now strengthening their security and frantically searching if there were any suspicious people arching the descriptions of the terrorists on their premises. Many malls around the world are trying to come up with a solution that would strengthen their security without scaring their shoppers and customers away.
They are thinking of many ways to have better security for the mall to keep customers satisfied and calm, so that they won’t think something so horrifying won’t happen again.
Where?
Westgate mall in Nairobi , Kenya, Malls all around the globe
When?
After the attack, Thursday, September 26, 2013 ( Newspaper published)
Why?
Because after the attack and it makes many people died and injured.But still some mall are business as usual. Industry want to increasing security guard will just scared the shoppers away, because you don’t want when you go to shopping, to be strip-searched, to be interviewed in a room by a security guard.
After hearing that this sort of accident has happened, many malls around the world have finally come to face the fact that, if they don’t have high enough security, they won’t last in this type of industry, but there was also another problem awaiting them. If they strengthened their security, then shoppers would often be searched and would, inevitably, scare them and more potential customers away.
In you opinion has the media sensationalized this topic?
I believe that the media has sensationalized this topic particularly by their photo. But the aspect of the photo that was the most eye catching was the caption, which many would make connections to. They also made the situation like an emergency for malls around the world by using words like ” frantically” and others of such ilk. Another thing that assisted in doing so was their sub-title.
I think that the media has sensationalized by their point in wanting to keep the shoppers safe and their business to continue. They have made the story as if the readers would want to help but it would also scare them as well.
Article Number 1
Who:
Kenya
U.S British and Israeli agencies
al Qaeda related Islamist group al Shabaab
Foreign terrorists
president Uhuru Kenyatta
What:
Kenya was attacked by Islamist militants on a Nairobi shopping mall
Killed at least 72 people and destroyed part of the complex
President Uhuru said that the troops had defeated the al-Qaida-linked al-shabaab group who was targeting the shopping mall
Kenya was seeking help from its allies.
Where:
Kenya, Nairobi shopping mall (Westgate shopping mall
When:
Thursday September 26th (Article published)
Why: because the attack continued on for four days, Kenya demanded help from Germany, Canada and the police agency Interpol in the investigation. Many people died or had serious injuries in the attack during these four days.
As Kenya had used many of its militants in freeing the mall, it’s military force is currently slightly weakened and now seeks assistance from its allies and the use of Interpol to try and apprehend those terrorists from al shabaab.
Is your opinion has the media “sensationalized” or shown biases in the article?
I think yes… The media has made this interesting by explaining what happened and by telling us why other countries want to help.
The media has sensationalized this with the use of the enlarge bed photo. Namely, the one with a mother mourning for her dead son. Their first aim for using this photo was to pull at people’s heart strings, or to catch people’s attention. The caption underneath clarifies and also describes this photo.
Number 3 cold-blooded mall tweets unleashed
Who?
Foreign Terrorists, Kenyan citizens, President Uhuru Kenyatta, Islamist group al-Shabaab
What?
A terrorist attack in a mall ( Westgate Mall) located in Nairobi, Kenya and unleashed a deadly spree of mass killings in a bloody four-day siege.
Tweets are threatening the military, taunting them and wanting for more bloodshed.
The tweets were mocking the Kenyan security of their repeating actions and also said that the siege was nearly over.
Where?
Nairobi, Kenya, the Nairobi mall ( Westgate shopping mall).
When?
Attack began on Saturday, September 21st and lasted 4 more days until Tuesday, September 25,2013.
Why?
Because the terrorist stormed the Nairobi mall and killing people for four-day,
61 people died and 175 people are injured.
I believe the terrorists may have done so because they seemed publicity, or wanted Nairobi’s military forces to draw out of Somalia, as stated in another article. Afterwards the Somalian Islamist group al-Shabaab took responsibility.
In you opinion has the media “sensationalized” or shown biases in the article?
I believe the media has sensationalized this article with their title, having added tweets which many of our youth today has linked to the ever popular social media networking site, Twitter. They also made the situation seem worse than it already was with their sub-title. ( Atrocity in Kenya. As bodies piled up and a nation reeled in shock, mass killers took to Twitter to mock and threaten more horror.) By adding this sub-title, they also made the terrorist group seem even more sinister than they already were. I also believe that the photo that was added also gave this article an additional touch of the sadness and misery of those Kenyans involved. It gives the reader a bigger touch on the severity or the graveness of that situation.
I think they have sensationalized by their title, how they have noticed the details up to the tweets on the internet.they have also made it more interesting because they have added where the president wanted to report a death toll.
Definitions/Terms:
Sangfroid: Composure or coolness shown in danger or under trying circumstances.
Expert Groupings – TWO
20 Nov
2. “Kenya gets help from foreign allies”
(1)Who What When Where Why
(2)Definition/terms
(3)Differences
(1)Who: U.S., British, and Israeli agencies
What: Foreign allies helped Kenya investigating the attack by Islamist militants. The foreign allies are U.S British and Israeli agencies. They are investigating about a attack in the Nairobi shopping mall that killed at least 72 people and destroyed part of the complex.
When: September, 2013
Where: a shopping mall in Kenya, Nairobi
Why: This is a forewarning of a bigger shopping mall problem coming up. I just read an article about the fierce attack in the malls in Nairobi. I think the two articles are related. The differences is that one talked about the security improvements but this article seems to talk about the effects of the attack and how Kenya’s allies helped.
(2)Definition: Siege- The process of surrounding and attacking a fortified place in such a way as to isolate it from help and supplies.
Vaulted- adjective
1.constructed or covered with a vault, as a building or chamber.
2.provided with a vault.
3.resembling a vault: the vaulted sky.
Assailants- a person who attacks
→The photo showed on the top helped letting readers feel sad
→The article contains quotes
Section Two Article Two
Who: Kenyan Citizens, a British woman, and Two or three Americans, Forensic scientists, Kenyan Military, President Uhuru Kenyatta, Foreign Terrorists, Islamist group al-Shabaab
What: Foreign terrorists stormed and sieged a mall in Nairobi, Kenya. Kenya’s military has freed the mall from the grasps of the terrorists but the mall had collapsed afterwards.
Kenyatta rejected the militants demands that he put Kenyan troops out of the northern neighbour Somalia.
The forensic scientists are trying to find out the terrorists nationality and think that a British women and two/three other Americans might be involved.
Where:Westgate shopping mall in Nairobi, Kenya
When: September 25th ( Newspaper published)
September 21st ( Mall sieged)
September 24th (Mall freed)
Why:
1. The terrorists sought publicity and decided to occupy this Kenyan mall as they could make a face for themselves and also rob the mall of its products and merchandise.
The media has sensationalized this by making the title eye-catching and also made the situation sound slightly more severe than it already was by adding, ” More than 200 wounded, and at least 72 dead.
The media has sensationalized the article by making the article understandable and detailed enough to put almost about half the story in a paragraph.
Definition/Terms:
Uhuru Kenyatta does not mean anything, and is just a name.
Differences:
Links:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Westgate_shopping_mall_attack
3. “Al-Shabab says foreigners were a ‘legitimate target'”
Who: al Shabab
tweeter jm Berger
What: Cold blooded mall tweets unleashed. The person named al Shabab tweeted about a terrorist attack said jm Berger. As deadly attacks happened inside Kenya’s west gate mall he had been killing people and tweeting about it in 6 different accounts.
Where: Kenya’s west gate mall
When: Saturday, Sept. 21.2013
Why: people in Kenya felt bad and they wanted justice so they started tweeting into the whole world through twitter. I think this is to aware the global community to know that Hitler never died. I think that this whole series of article on the attack in the shopping mall in Nairobi started with a racist man, because as mentioned in the article, the Sonali Islamic separated the Muslims from the Kuffar before carrying out their attack.
I sincerely agreed with Louis Bawa. That man told a reporter that Al-Shabab was ” using religion as an excuse to kill people”
Definitions:
Legitimate- according to law; lawful
Meticulous- adjective
1.taking or showing extreme care about minute details; precise; thorough: a meticulous craftsman; meticulous personal appearance.
2.finicky; fussy: meticulous adherence to technicalities.
Category 4 “Mall freed from terrorists’ grasp”
Who:
terrorists, al-Shabab, Kenya’s president Uhuru Kenyatta.
What:
terrorists attack Kenyan mall and hold many hostages but then later the hostages are freed from their grasp and let go
Where:
Kenya mall
When:
September 24 2013
Why:
Kenya’s president had “defeated” al-shabab
Details:
There were was a “white woman” that was among the attackers killed on Monday. Several survivors of Saturday’s killing spree recalled seeing a “European-looking woman” among the heavily armed militants who were separating Muslims from non-Muslims and killing scores of weekend shoppers.
What:
In Nairobi shopping mall 11suspected of killing 67 people. The people who their suspecting are maybe using guns because the person who their trying to kill he might have been their and they killed a lot a people but I think they hate people from different country coming in to their country maybe and they kept hostages so they can escape not getting killed by the military.
Definition:
Forensic- a study of argumentation and formal debate
Triumphed- achieve a victory; be successful.
* this is my last article and I am now very sure that all four articles are connected. One talked about the what happened. The other mentioned more security for other mall. Another article talked about how Nairobi got help from its allies, and finally the last article which talks about how the problem has been solved and how they “defeated” it.
#1 mall security under scrutiny after attack
Who- suspicious people and security guards
What- some malls around the world are hiring more security guards to find suspicious people in a central mall in Nairobi. The other shopping mall around the round the world had focused more in how to be more safe for the costumers and not scare them away.
Where- shopping centre in Nairobi
When- September 26 2013
Why- I think this article got publicized because it will make us pay more attention when we go to malls to shop. It will also tell us that the global community cares and is trying to solve the problems occurring right now in malls.
Definitions/ Terms
Aviation:
1.
the design, development, production, operation, and use of aircraft, especially heavier-than-air aircraft.
2.
military aircraft.
Differences
Under attack at the mall they should have better security working in the mall because the place where you enter a Gucci store lets say what do you say you can kill anyone for expanse things that’s what happened the worst thing is that this is your country your stealing stuff .No one wants to go where they get killed anytime. Yes it is a good thing for those people who attacked the mall they should be getting the strip searched.
“No one wants, when you go shopping, to be strip-searched, to be interviewed in a room by a security guard.”
Expert Groupings – ONE
20 Nov
Al-Shabab says foreigners were y a’Legitimate target’
Who- an armed Somali Islamic extremest group called al-Shabab
What- alshabab attacked a shopping mall in Kenya an excuse to attack the mall was religion. The terrorist group got all the Muslims to leave the mall and killed some foreigners. However, the group still killed some Muslims. Many of the citizens in Kenya are saying the the terrorists used religion as an excuse for violence.
Where- Kenya, Westgate mall
When- Thursday, September 26, 2013 is the date of article was written but it took place on September 25, 2013 four day siege.
Why- the al-Shabab said it was retribution for the Kenyan military. The military did this to try to separate the Muslims from the Kuffars.
Definitions:
vetting= background check
Number 3: mall security under scrutiny after attack
Who: al-shabab
What: The al-shabab militants attacked the Kenya’s Westgate mall. The mall is increasing the security system. How some malls around the world are scared that the same thing might happen to their mall. Some malls are putting private security personnels and other are hiring more security guards. However some people do not like it.
Where: Nairobi,Kenya west gate mall
In my opinion, it is the malls around the world
When: Thursday, September 26, 2013
the article was printed On Thursday Sept 26 and it says that the attack occurred during last weekend. So the attack most likely happened during Friday or Saturday of sept 20 or 21st
Why: The al-shabab said it was in retribution for Kenya’s military involvement in Somalia. Because they are scared that their mall might be attacked like the west gate mall in Kenya
I believe that this article is trying to explain how what the governments are trying to do it useless and how it will not even last that long. It explains that the citizens do not like what they are doing.
Definitions and terms:
militants-vigorously active and aggressive, especially in support of a cause
Wielding- to exercise, as in ruling or dominating.
disparity-difference
Resemble-to possess something similarity to
NUMBER 1
Who- Foreign affairs minister John Baird and a terrorist group called al-shabab
What- supporting Kenya in its fight against terrorism agraint ala akbars
When- September 25 , 2013
Where-Nairobi,Kenya
Why- because the fight against global terrorism is the greatest struggle of the generation and put a stop to it.
Definition/term- al-Shabaab- an Arabic phrase meaning the youth. In the article, it is referred to a terrorist group in the Middle East. It is a Somalia based cell of a militant group called Al-Qaeda
Differences-
Kevin’s opinion- this article isnt really sensational because It was the first time i read It.
Braden’sopinion- the media hasn’t really sensationalized this article because this was the first time I’ve ever heard if it.
Mr. Clarke [604] 