Transmediation

SOURCE: http://www.theguardian.com/inpictures

POP ROCKS!!!

Pop Rocks: Taste the Explosion

Write a stream of conscious piece while eating your pop rocks chocolate…

Remember the 4 box writings from last weeks double block when we listened to 4 different songs and wrote continuously…
What do you feel, hear, smell, think, taste, and see??????
Or
Try writing a fantasy short story about the ‘world within your mouth’… maybe the pop rocks are little jumping ants or people like in Dr. Seuss’ “Horton Hears a Who”

Creative Writing Feedback

CREATIVE WRITING FEEDBACK
Stories, narrative essays & poetry

Use this feedback to improve your writing

A— use an active word instead of “is/are/was/were”

Ch—develop this character using…5 sense images, dialogue or concrete description.

CL—cliché. We’ve heard this a million times already

Co—what is the conflict?

De—detail—give some specific description/information here.

Di—dialogue problem. Indent each new speaker. Use as little dialogue as you can. Don’t use dialogue to explain the situation.

E—the ending…is either unclear, or you don’t wrap your ideas up.

F—use figurative language to make this more powerful metaphor, simile or personification

I— Irrelevant. Cut this out or shorten it.

NP—new paragraph for new idea or different speaker.

S—setting. When and where is this happening? Use specific images to develop this.

Th—theme– what idea is your story/poem trying to develop? Mention thesis/writing prompt somewhere.

V—verbs– you are wandering between verb tenses

5s—use some 5-sense imagery to make a powerful image!

Editing Codes – Literary Essays and Paragraphs

Feedback Sheet: literary Paragraph and Literary Essay

Intro paragraph
1 Too general—make thesis more precise—something we can agree or disagree with
2 Introduce ideas generally before thesis statement
3a) Needs author and title of work
3b) Hook your reader here! Make us want to read on!

Body paragraphs
4) needs clear topic sentence at the start
5) needs transition from last paragraph or previous idea
6) prove it! SHOW SPECIFIC EXAMPLES, IMAGES OR QUOTES.
6a) Plot summary– unnecessary
6b) How does this support or develop your thesis?
6c) Give some context (background info) here
6ch) What does this reveal about the character?
7) Needs indentation or new paragraph
8) Needs clear concluding sentence
10) Unclear
10a) Don’t give advice.

Concluding paragraph
11) briefly re-state main ideas and return to your hook!
12) more powerful final sentences needed–use figurative language here to—simile, metaphor, irony etc.
13) Don’t introduce new topic now!

Language/Grammar
14) Run-on: make this into 2 sentences
15) Sentence fragment
16) Their/they’re/there? then/than? It’s/its?
17) What/who does this refer to?
21) comma problem
22) “SAYS” used too often—try suggests, argues, contends, hints, indicates
23) Use present tense to describe what happens in text
24) Stay in same verb tense
25) “X is Y because…” find another way to say this.

WORD CHOICE
26) Clichéd phrase—you sound like a Hallmark card
27) Too slangy, informal—sounds like ordinary, not written, speech
29) Avoid passive voice (e.g. « is shown »)

Quotations/evidence
30) Integrate quotation into text—rough transition from your writing to author’s and back
31) Page or act/scene/line # needed
32) Purpose/meaning of this quotation or evidence unclear—what are you trying to say/prove?
33) Who says this? When? Where? To whom?
34) Make this a block quote (single-space it)
35) Quote is too long—use only relevant parts

Mechanics
35) Illegible
36) Double space
37) needs F&L name, title, date, block